The smell of books, holding lots of stationery items in both hands, the flood of memories at a get-together with childhood/school/college/uni friends, the look in the eyes of a human being or an animal you just helped, the sound of your loved one when he/she laughs without a care in the world, the feeling of finding some you thought you had lost, the feeling of finding someone you’ve waited all your life, the smell of freshly baked cookies, tea with biscuits, smiling like an idiot on something you have just read read or remembered, seeing the whole picture or solving a problem by connecting a few dots, fixing something by yourself on the first few tries, making people laugh, aiming and throwing something in the trash can/bin and getting lucky, the feel of a good calligraphy pen in your hand, a good handwriting day, admiring the possibilities held by a blank piece of paper, understanding a novel or a movie better while reading/watching it a second time, beginner’s luck, getting appreciated by your mentor, fulfilling a responsibility well, gaining respect and admiration by your peers, getting forgiveness, the smile of a child when she/he has learned something new and applied it.
1) You listen to her. Her voice creates your world. Her voice heals your soul.
2) You share stuff with her. You can’t help but share. She knows you more than most people.
3) You, sometimes, cry, when she cries. You don’t care even if people think it’s not a manly act.
4) Her happiness and her safety is your priority. You curse yourself when you are not available or don’t have the capacity to be in her hour(s) of need.
5) You worry about her A LOT.
6) You look for opportunities to help her. You also create opportunities to help her.
7) Even though you can’t seem to live without her, you respect her right to her space and her choices. You respect her right to her life. (This goes without saying)
8) You want to give her a hug (to comfort her) when she is sad and when you can’t (for whatever reason), it pains you.
9) You feel worthless, if you are the reason for her being upset. It seems, at times, that it has become very difficult for you to breathe.
10) You apologize if it’s your fault.
You apologize even if it’s not your fault.
11) You remember her, when you’re doing simple stuff, like making tea.
12) When you have conversations with people, and when you think about those conversations, your mind replaces those people with her.
13) Everything about her is perfect.
14) When she laughs or smiles, you subconsciously copy her, even if you have absolutely nothing to be happy about.
15) You feel as if you’re the luckiest man in the world when she is with you.
16) When she praises you or thanks you, you feel that you are someone worthy.
17) When she trusts you, you feel like you can do anything.
18) You pray for her, even when you’re not religious.
19) You seriously evaluate yourself, at one point, and when you realize you don’t deserve her, and that you fear that her rejection will destroy your world AND you fear losing her. You don’t tell her that you love her. You remind yourself that you can’t allow yourself to love her. ‘She deserves better’, you keep telling yourself. Alone, with that depressing thought, a sad smile appears on your face. You take a deep breath and busy yourself with work, thinking, ‘Well at least she is happy. That’s all I want.’